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I Don't shine if You Don't Shine
a masterpiece in everything, but only if you look..
SMeyers Epic Bag of Fail- ch 15- to the end. 
3rd-Aug-2008 02:13 pm
Breaking dawn Review, PART 2
More ranting and emotional divulgence ahead!

I finished it yesterday, the verdct is in:

Fail beyond all boundaries and should be completely rewritten to some degree of plot coherance.

1) Bella getting pregnant was just a mass of nessiebabyfail. Nessie also sounds like the loch ness monster, which leads me to think of the insult this poses to lake monsters everywhere.. Why could you not have picked a better name? Reneesme? Shit, I don't think I've been that cracked up about a name since Paltrow's Apple. I know, I know, it's fantasy, whatever. It's not really from personal expereince, but just to throw it out there- I've often seen willing teen mothers as the whimsical sort- who want their babies to have these gorgeous names and personality where they wish that their babies will love them where the rest of the world doesn't. A stereotype, yes, but Bella pretty much fits this kind of mold for me. Her lack of experience and maturity just reeks of this supposed perfection. Yet somehow, combining both your parent's and ste-parents names together to make baby name alphabet soup doesn't quite strike me as logical.

2) You cannot, I repeat, CANNOT just introduce new characters just to fill in plot hole or fabricate perfecthappylovely endings where everybody fucking wins. It doesn't really happen, and I don't see how Jacob can be happy being second best with the supposed "love of his life's" daughter. Did all Jacob's supposed "true feelings" just eradicate and blow up into nothing? A Fucking baby does not make it all okay.

3) Your flagrant use of potential stautory rape makes me want to hurl myself out a window. Jacob sees Nessie for the first time and... basically hurls himself at her in order to imprint her. It's like some kind of warped dystopia of dominant pedophilic urges.

4) The lack of character growth sickens me. Bella is as pathetic as ever. Edward as oblivious, and Jacob too much of a doormat. Nessie should be hung and quartered. The End.

In the end, I thought Twilight was good. New moon sucked shizz. Eclipse was a bit bettter, but never redeemed the series for me. Breaking Dawn plummets the whole franchise into the canyon of certain death. I'm really hoping midnight sun will be bettter, since it's basically the first book rewritten, and I like the first book, right? right?

there's quite a few people who look upon this series and book favourable. I can think of many in my classes- and they just rant and rave about all the same thing.  Among them are the absolute perfectness of the whole Bella/Jacob/Edward relationship; the supposed deepness of the characters and Bella's feelings. I don't see any of it, and I imagine many future conversations between them and myself where I basically shove breaking dawn in their face and scream: HA. Here's what's become of your beloved franchise that used to send you into orgasmic squeals of delight!

I don't think this book is redeemable for me. I'm not a rabid twilight fan, but this disappointed me more than Rowling's OotP. And even then, I could overlook it because it did contain some choice good moments for me. Blaargh. Maybe if I hung myself updaide down and beat myself with a rusty iron pole a few hundred time I would like it better.
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